February 2026 - Eric Markowitz
Let me tell you how this works.
A twenty-six-year-old quantitative analyst at a hedge fund in midtown Manhattan—a person who has never managed an employee, never sat across from a customer, never had to explain to someone that their position has been eliminated—opens a spreadsheet, sees that your company's headcount is 14% higher than a competitor's, and writes a note to institutional investors that your stock is overweight.
That note gets circulated and your stock drops. Your board panics. They call the CEO, who was hired eighteen months ago specifically to "unlock shareholder value," a phrase that should be studied by future anthropologists as one of the great euphemisms of our time. An all-hands meeting is called. Two weeks later, 3,000 people get a calendar invite from HR titled "Quick Chat."
This is the system working exactly as designed.